I love people who are going after God. It excites me.
I love challenging people with the things of God.
But do I really love people? Am I willing to die for them?
If it means showing them God’s love, then yes, I believe I would.
Am I willing to sacrifice for people? Am I willing to be patient with them as they journey through life? Am I willing to not just be real with, sharing struggles, frustrations, and even pointing out things that they might not want to hear, but become friends with people? I would say NO.
My circle of friends has been very closed. The few friends that I have had for one reason or another are no longer with me. I almost take pride in the fact that I am virtually unaffected when people leave my life for long periods of time. I don’t really miss people when they are gone. I enjoy being around people face to face, but I don’t miss too many people. I feel like I am missing something. Maybe the reason people dont feel loved by me has something to do with the fact that I would not miss them if they left my life.
Could it be that I have not opened up my heart to TRULY love them? Is the love that I am giving a selfish love? Even if it is with God Centered motives (because I truly do desire all people to fall deeper in love with God) could it be wrong?
Why do I not have close friendships? What is going on in my heart? Why are people not drawn to me?
I don’t feel that way…
There have been times when I wish that you were there more or that I felt that I could come to you with anything, but never unloved. I wasn’t loving myself and you and your whole community opened your arms.
Don’t be too quick to blame, especially yourself.
People just want to love and feel loved in return.