My wife and I are grateful for the homes that we had the privilege to grow up in. Things weren’t always perfect. We both have situations that weren’t always ideal. And now as parents, we are reminded, day in and day out how hard raising a family can be. Often I feel like it will be a miracle if my kids turn out right. My three boys are 5, 3, and 1.
But I have hope. Daily I hear stories of broken families. Today I heard a young man say something like this. “Mom and dad haven’t been together since I was in elementary school. Dad lives hours away and I see him a couple of times a year. I think I am just like my dad, mainly because my mom tells me so. She hates him.” How can I have hope as I share a story like that?
Because I have learned so much from my international friends. I have heard them share how important family is to them. They get excited for their moms and dads to come in to town. They get excited to go home and visit. In their culture, family is something to be respected and parents do what they think is best for the kids. Interestingly enough many of these kids are sent off to boarding school some time in elementary school. They are not with their parents for much of their childhood. Many of these kids study abroad starting in high school and continue through college. They are with their parents but their parents have instilled something so important in them.
I have other international friends that work really hard here in the states to support mom, dad, and cousins back in their home country. They don’t have much, but what they have is shared with their family. Family is important to them.
It seems to me the reason family is so important is simply because they know their parents care. They know their parents did what they thought was best for their KIDS. They didn’t hand them everything. They didn’t do it perfect. In fact many of these parents have placed such high expectations on their kids that other issues arise in their lives. But they no one thing. FAMILIES MATTER.
Families matter and with that they believe they have the support and encouragement of their families. They know their mom and dads care. And in return my international friends care a lot about their families. It’s like they have a guaranteed support structure. Interestingly enough, their family isn’t just their moms and dads. In many ways family is extended to friendships. They have a community around them.
Our kids need families that work together. They need to know that families matter. They need to know that mom and dad are doing the best with what they have been given. That mom and dad are working together to do what is best for the KIDS. Even better would be to have a whole community of people that SHOUTS families matter and we care about you.
This should give hope to many of us. If you have a blended family embrace it and get everyone on the same page. Discover new ways to declare that families matter. Discover ways to allow your blended community to show that you are going to do what is best for the kids. I know this is easier said then done, but I believe we can work together to declare that families matter, no matter how broken things may appear.
Oh, if my friend could just hear his mom and others say “your just like your dad, and that’s okay.”
